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Saturday, December 18, 2010

Lawak santai di petang ari

CUTI SAKIT

Suatu hari, Salina ponteng sekolah. Dia menelefon guru kelasnya dan
menyamar sebagai ibunya.

Salmah : Hello, adakah itu Cikgu Aminah binti Ali, guru kelas tahun 6
hijau?
Cikgu : Ya, saya.
Salmah : Cikgu, hari ini Salina tidak dapat hadir ke sekolah kerana sakit.
Cikgu : Ok...ok..., er...boleh saya tahu siape yang sedang bercakap?
Salmah : Emak saya...


KISAH PAK PANDIR

Seperti biasa Pak Pandir nak pegi memotong getah. Mak Andeh akan menyediakan peralatan Pak Pandir. Pak Pandir pun pergilah nak memotong getah.

"Hati-hati ye bang semasa tepi jalan besar tu nanti!" pesan Mak Andeh.

Pak Pandir akan berjalan kaki melalui sebuah jalanraya untuk sampai di kebun getahnya. Semasa Pak Pandir berjalan di tepi jalanraya besar tersebut, ada sebuah papan tanda yang baru dipasang betul-betul di depan kebunnya.

Selepas dia membaca papan tanda tersebut, dia pun pulang hampa.

Mak Andeh heran Pak Pandir pulang semula ke rumah lalu bertanya "Kenapa Bang?"

Pak Pandir pun menjawab "Sejak bila la kerajaan kita tak kasi kita MEMOTONG getah. Diletaknya papan tanda besar kat tepi jalan depan kebun kita tu papan tanda "DILARANG MEMOTONG".


KIDS ARE QUICK LEARNER

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, 'School Ahead, Go Slow.'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L'
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GL ENN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE : All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher. 


KISAH JAM

Satu hari ada 3 orang lepak dalam rumah sewa..

Bila dah habis tengok VCD upin dan ipin, dorang rasa tersangatlah boringnya... so dorang buatlah satu pertandingan... diorang kena campak jam tangan ke bawah dan sambut. Sape sempat dikira menang.

So, org pertama campak jam dia ke luar tingkap. Baru dua anak tangga dia turun, jam dia pecah berderai !!! Org kedua pun cuba plak... dia campak jam dia dan baru dia nak angkat kaki, jam dia dah pecah berderai... orang ketiga plak...

Dia campak jam dia, dia turun tangga, beli surat khabar, lps tu beli burger, lps tu dia duduk lepak-lepak kat bangku. Lps tu dia sambut jam dia dan naik atas semula...

Yang dua orang tadi punyalah pelik+heran+ajaib... dorang pun tanya ... "eh! cmne kau boleh sempat sambut haa ? Siap boleh baca paper la, beli burger la... ??"

Nak tau apa org ketiga tu jawab??

"Oh, jam aku lambat 30 minit!"

 iklan semata-mata ! :p

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